Monday, October 3, 2011
You didn't ask for it but you're going to get it. You can thank me later.
"I am a vampire".
That's right you heard me. Those were the exact words uttered to me while I was on a date in 2006. It doesn't stop there, in fact, it only gets better. In the 36 years of my life, I have yet to be married or find a mate who meets my long term relationship criteria but I have had more dates than handbags! I find myself begging the universe and God to throw me a bone and yelling out WHY?!!? So recently after yet another failed date, I realized what I can do with hand dealt to me in dating poker... BLOG about it. Why didn't I think of this before? Surely I am not the only girl out there who is full figured, single, over thirty, no kids and still dating.. or am I? There have to be others out there like me who probably know better than to lay out the details of their messy lives on the Internet right? I am also sure that there are many out there who can relate to the struggles of finding a mate and clothes that fit. So here it is, the sad but true account of my many mishaps in relationships, love and occasional wardrobe malfunctions. Oh and not to worry, I will get back to that Twilight wannabe of a date a bit later.
Now I suppose that I should throw in the obligatory disclaimer:
1) I have changed the names in my stories not so much to protect the innocent but rather to avoid getting shot, strangled or sued.
2) I am not doing this to hurt anybodies feelings or embarrass anyone except for maybe myself.
3) My grammar, punctuation and spelling may not always be perfect but I did not major in English or writing in college.
4) If you don't like what I have to say or the choices I have made then stop reading it, move on and get a sense of humor.
5) The events may not be in any specific order, but I guarantee that trying to remember each and every one in the exact order that it happened is far from easy.
6) It is always important to remind ourselves that no one is perfect except for maybe my dog Katie. Let's be honest, I am the one that raised her.
7) Most importantly, if you happen to be a relative of mine then I would strongly encourage you to not bring any of this up in front of my mother. She still thinks me of as her little bundle of joy (stop laughing).
Now that I have gotten that out of the way, be sure to sit back, relax, enjoy my turmoil and perhaps send a few Xanax my way.