Monday, September 22, 2014
Wasn't it Ferris Bueller who said, "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once and awhile, you could miss it."? Well Ferris, you're not wrong! It seems like someone has flipped a switch on my life over the last two years. As soon as I quit my safe comfortable career and took a chance and dedicated my life to reality TV (UGH), things have been moving in fast forward. I went from a very predictable life complete with bi weekly paychecks, beer drinking at the local pub at night, sleeping in on Sundays to then 6-8 hours a day of workouts, eating less calories than you can fathom and cameras in your face wanting you to share with the world those deep dark secrets that you've worked so hard to hide. Once the cameras and crew leave, it's not over. No no, then you sit and wait to see what kind of joke they've turned your life into and then air it for the world to see. After you chug a Big Gulp of Merlot and realize that what you signed up to do, worked your ass off for and poured your heart into has now been blended up and shown as a big pile of dramatic crap designed for ratings. Hmmm... that's about as settling as fermented wine. It's not over yet because suddenly people want to know you and depending on how the story aired, you can get loads of haters, creepers and all sorts of arrogant fucks who feel that they now know you and can say anything they want. Thank you social media.
Woah! All that ranting can get a gal thirsty. Before I take a swig (or two) of my grapey goodness, please share in a toast with me:
Dear Haters, until you've climbed 112 flights of stairs to the top of the Stratosphere weighing 385lbs in an hour and a half, lunged across the Hoover Dam Bridge in the middle of August in 115 degree heat weighing 298lbs for 3 hours, dropped in the desert in the middle of summer and told to find your way home (and did), or stood in your bra and underwear sweating like a pig and fat as hell all the while with cameras in your face, then keep your ridiculous comments to yourself and just do me a favor and shut up.
Now that I've gotten that out of the way, let me get back to my point(and story). In the middle of all of the new chaos, I also managed to do some dating. Not much, but some. I have also been able to participate in a few films, commercials and TV shows (not reality). While on set of a movie, I met a former NFL player who immediately charmed the pants right off me. It's not what you are thinking. He didn't say "Hi, my name is Jackson...now drop and give me 20!". He actually complimented me, called me beautiful and did those kind gestures like pull out my chair that just really melt my butter. After all of the name calling, on camera arguments and overall degrading of my soul I had just gone through with the reality show, it was a breath of fresh air to be treated so kindly. I ate it up! At first glance, I was attracted to him. Tall, Italian, tattoos, nice build but I had no idea he was a former pro baller (not balla). We ended up working together for a few weeks and since we were on set for 12 hours plus a night, it allowed for plenty of time to talk and get to know each other. One night we were walking to get something to eat and someone approached him asking about his football career. Once they finished their conversation, I learned that he used to play professionally for many years as a tight end and as luck would have it, he actually had a very tight end. Touchdown for Christy! During dinner, I decided to share with him the experience I had recently gone through with the show. It was interesting exchanging our adventures as neither one of us had any idea what it was like for the other. I mean, I had never befriended or dated an NFL'er and he had never known a weight loss reality participant so it was actually interesting and there was a lot to learn about the other. We couldn't stop talking! We both seemed intrigued by what the other had to say. Things were going so well that nothing could've interrupted my current state of bliss... eeeeeeer screeeetch crash boom!
That's right, pump the brakes.
Before I continue, I must refill my jug, umm I mean glass, and add this disclaimer:
- I like kids, babies, toddlers, pre teens and a few select teenagers.
- I don't begrudge anyone for having kids although I cannot believe that some of the morons in this world do procreate. Some people can't find their way out of an box but yet they manage to have kids. Oh how I wish natural selection occurred in humans or we at least could enforce sterilization in the hopelessly stupid.
- At this stage of the game, I am well aware that most men have kids. The only way I will find a man without them is to attend freshmen orientation at the local university and even that is no longer a guarantee thanks to shows like Teen Mom.
The locker room shenanigans, on the field drama, player scandals and all of the behind the scenes secrets that he shared were fascinating to me. I just love hearing about those things that I know nothing about! In the midst of throwing the football, he also managed to get married. Okay, now my ears are perfectly perked! He continued on about their relationship and how once they had kids it all went downhill. So what do you do when your marriage fails because you had children? You get married to wife number two and have a few more. Turns out, he was so good at getting married and having kids that he did it a third time and ended up with 8 kids total. I had to hand it to him, he managed to get married then divorce 3 times, fertilize a bunch of eggs and father 8 kids while sustaining a long pro football career. Bravo buddy! Someone hand this guy the Heisman trophy. By the time he finished sharing his autobiography with me, I was exhausted. That was a lot to digest and I hadn't even touched my meal.
After we wrapped that morning, I said goodbye to him and got in my car to go home and catch a bit of sleep before returning to set that night. I got to bed feeling exhausted but couldn't turn my mind off. I meet this guy and we hit it off but how in the world could we date? It gets challenging enough trying to fit into a single father's life when he has one ex wife and a child or two but Jackson has 3 ex wives and 8 children. I was once heavily involved with a man who had his son full time and we never had alone time and our relationship revolved around his son. That was a lot of work! I grew to love his son and if our relationship was going to work, I would have to so thankfully I did. Eventually we parted ways because he was giving it to his ex whore wife while I was at home with his little boy doing homework. Another story, another time. Now that I know just how much commitment and time goes into children, rather dating men with them, I just can't fathom how it could possibly work with 8 kids. Granted, we were spending lots of time together on set but he had to hire babysitters and get the ex wives to help watch them all. This was all planned out because it was in fact a job but I just can't believe that he could organize all of that for him and I to grab a movie or a meal. Could you imagine him asking wives 1-3 if they could keep all 8 kids one night so we could get busy in the sack? Nope, me neither.
I got to set that night and we had a few hours in holding so we got to chat. He managed to bring up his birthday that was just around the corner and suggested we go out and celebrate. As nice as I could, I asked him if that was possible with all of his clan at home? He assured me that since it was his birthday he could wrangle enough childcare for the night. That led to me asking him if we should see each other after our work was done and he said "Of course! This isn't just a fling for me. I want to get to know you better and see what can happen." In my realistic mind, I thought it was a nice thing to say but just didn't know how in the world we would ever have time together. I had to give the lad credit for his optimism though.
Our parts had finally wrapped and now it was time to test drive dating in the real world. We text mostly with the occasional phone call late at night and he set up his birthday festivities with me for the following week. He said he had childcare in place and nothing was going to get in the way of having fun. The following week rolled around and I sent a text asking how his day was blah blah blah with no response. Let's jus say that I did not get a response for two weeks. Nothing. At first I was worried but then I just told myself that he is a guy and probably just blew me off. I was a bit pissed off about it but hey, life goes on.
Three weeks after the last time I had heard from him, I decided to shoot him a text. I wrote "If you are blowing me off then have the balls to tell me. If not and something is wrong, let me know. Either way, man up and say something." Ding ding ding! I got a response! He said "I am sorry. I had to travel out of state for an emergency with my ex wife and I am on my way back. It has been hectic so I haven't had time to text you." I sat on that for a few minutes then text this, "I am sorry that there was an emergency and I hope all is well. For future reference, texting someone takes less than a minute and despite how busy you are, you can at least have the decency to send one even if you have to do it while taking a crap on the toilet." He said he was sorry and I never replied. That was really all I needed to solidify what I had been thinking all along. This guy, regardless of how great I thought he was, had too much going on in his life with exes and kids. Do I think less of him for having that many? No. It just doesn't work for me. Besides, I think that seeing as how I have never been married and unable to have kids automatically disqualifies me to be with him.
Despite that bump in the road, my life is still continuing to go in fast forward. Regardless of the speed it's going in, I always make time for my dogs, wine and the occasional 80's movie.