Sunday, October 23, 2011
Okay my littler perverts, this is not a story of a naughty gynecologist fantasy (although I've had those) but rather a true account of my date with a dentist. No, I was not flat on my back in the dental chair with my mouth open when we met. He found me on the almighty dating website for the lonely and desperate folks. At first glance, he wasn't what you would call attractive but his profile was very witty and seemed very straight forward. He wasn't "looking for a one night stand but someone to have fun with" and this caught my attention. Finally, a man who wasn't wanting the wham bam hand me a tissue ma'am!! His initial email to me had "Open Wide" in the subject line and once I realized he was a dentist, I found it funny. We exchanged several messages and went straight to phone conversation, not texts. We seemed to hit it off so fast that I agreed to meet him right away.
We met on a Friday night at the MGM casino in a lounge. The location of this date is an important detail (and should always be) because I was not aware that any lounge or bar in the MGM is situated as far away from the parking garage as possible. Seeing as how this was a first date, I made sure to put on high heels that were very uncomfortable but sexy. Sexy shoes are imperative for the first meeting because it puts the image in your dates head of you naked wearing only the heels. Since we are all ladies here, of course we won't be sleeping with the man right away but the image will still be embedded their mind. The first date checklist for ladies should include the hot shoes, a little bit of cleavage, nice perfume (not too strong) and subtle earrings. What we tend to notice of the men are how he smells, his clothing, hair and any visible scars. On this evening, my 3 inch platform heels had met the criteria however, caused many foot blisters due to my marathon through the MGM. Perhaps I should have added sweat bands and socks to my first date attire?
I arrived to the lounge (limping) and he was seated on a couch near the entrance. I caught my breath and approached him. He stood up and greeted me with a big tight hug and offered me a cocktail. He was very good looking in person and I had to wonder if his photos online were of his not so fortunate brother instead of him. Normally I would be very irritated by meeting a man who didn't look like his photos but was willing to make an exception in his case. I sat down, ordered a glass of red wine (not white, I'm allergic) and started my full body scan. He dressed very well, smelled of a nice cologne, no visible scars and naturally had a very white smile. We started with chit chat and after my first glass of wine, I called him out on his photos. He laughed and told me that he liked to play down his appearance in hopes that his potential date would want to meet him for deeper reasons. No offense doc, but a lot of women will date a doctor/dentist because of his bank account, not his looks. Either way, I gave him credit for thinking it made a difference in his case. For the record, I am not very picky or excited over a man's profession and I wouldn't date a man merely because he had the letters Dr. before his name. I have worked with many doctors and if anything, it makes me not like them and certainly not want to sleep with them. The God complex is very real and it comes with a very large ego and small penis. The ego does not stay at work, it enters the front door at night too. There was something more to this dentist during our communication prior to the date that intrigued me to meet him. Maybe he was absent the day that the God complexes were handed out or by some miracle, he broke the mold.
Two hours into our date, I had started to believe that this guy was a true find. He made me laugh quite a bit and was very forthcoming about who he was and in turn, wanted to know about me. He had been engaged but called off his wedding when he realized he wasn't the only man in his relationship. I could certainly relate to that story and he wasn't sure if he wanted kids. I know, could he be more perfect? He excused himself to the restroom and once he came back to our seats, he seemed a little different. He had this nervous energy to him that he hadn't shown before. Did he accidentally soil his pants? Did he happen to meet someone through a glory hole? I couldn't figure out why he was acting different but he didn't suggest leaving so it couldn't be that bad. As soon as I finished my drink, he paid the bill and wanted to move on to a different bar within the casino. Oh Lord no, more walking and my feet still hadn't cooled off from my first sprint.
We arrived at the next bar which was less crowded and full of women. There must have been a special drink offer that I was not aware of "Buy one drink, get one lady free". Once we were seated at the table, his attitude was different again. This guy wasn't just a dentist, he was also a man with multiple personality disorder. He wasn't just nervous, but almost excited like a virgin at a brothel. I set the paranoia aside and started up the conversation by asking about his hobbies. He cut me off half way through and said in a very serious tone (another personality if you are keeping score) "Look Christy, you are with a man who parties". Umm okay, what?!??! I quickly stopped talking and allowed him to continue. He told me that although he isn't dating for one night stands, he does like to have sex with 3 women at a time while high on cocaine. I was still silent not so much due to shock but I was waiting for him to say he was joking. He must have taken my silence to mean I was interested and so he continued to tell me of his plans for the evening. Are you ready for this? He said that he had arranged for two women to join us at the bar where we currently were and that he came packing with a hefty amount of Coke and Ecstasy in his pocket. Nope, I am not kidding and there is one more detail...wait for it. The two women were at the bar seated behind us and he had a suite upstairs ready for our party. The only thing I thought to say at the moment was "Cocaine is really bad for your teeth". That's right, this freaky dentist just planned out a night of drugs and sex with other women and all I thought to do was tell him, the dental professional, that drugs were bad for his teeth. I suppose shock can make you say stupid things and in this case, I certainly did.
Before I left the date, I was sure to ask Dr. Kinky why he thought I would be a candidate for the situation. Brace yourself, here comes another personality! He acted very irritated and explained that he felt that I would be very grateful to be with a successful, handsome man and furthermore, appreciate that a man of his stature would even consider taking me out, let alone inviting me to an evening of drug induced passion. This man had quite the cavity of honesty and continued to tell me that I should consider joining him and his ladies for the night because opportunities like this will not knock down my door often. It was also pointed out that I did say in my profile that I like to have fun. Okay, I need to delete that ASAP because clearly it means I like to party like I am 21 year old in Vegas for the weekend. I was really intrigued by his thought process and instead of getting up to leave, I asked him to tell me what it was about me that should be so grateful. Granted, I was well aware of how I felt about him now but was strangely curious as to how he viewed me prior to our nightmare date. One more personality before I go... He let out a bit of a giggle and proceeded to say that although I had a "pretty face", I was in no position to be picky about men and should know that if I lost weight, I could then afford to be more selective. He also threw me a bit of a bone and said that I had a "great personality". I stood up to leave and wouldn't you know it, he stood up and gave me a hug. Seriously! I started my journey out to the parking garage and took off my shoes. That's right, I braved the casino floor barefooted because after that disaster, I did not deserve nor desire one more blister.
What else could I possibly say after that date? Truth is, that evening spoke for itself. Thanks for the date and the blisters dirty dentist. From now on, I just say no the dentist and "maybe" to the hot gynecologist. I know he may have the God complex but at least he knows how the vagina works.