Thursday, October 6, 2011
There was an incident this evening that inspired me to blog about it. Hmmm, where to begin with this? Well let's just dive in shall we? So my "friend" from back in the day with whom I spent the long weekend with recently read my blog and clearly it struck a cord with him. He had to make the oh so big decision to disconnect with me as a friend or has he put it "it cost me the friendship". Let me sum up the message I received from him for you. Basically, what turned him off from me and what I did wrong was want to keep communication with him. Whoopsie, my mistake. It was quite the turn off for him when I wanted to talk and text such as we had prior to the trip. It seemed "needy" to him. It was also very "odd" that I knew he was online dating and how I knew that was also odd. Funny enough he is the one that told me about the site he was on in the past. Of course I knew.
So, why do I choose to share this with everyone? I would like to deconstruct this situation and break it down because men just don't get it. If any "man" out in the dating world reads this maybe it can shed some light for them but if it is only women, then I am sure they can relate.
1) Women don't like to be ignored. It really is that simple. The truth is far more appreciated even if hard to hear rather than silence. Silence is really the chicken shit way to handle a situation. If you go from talking, texting or communicating in some way daily and then you just stop, we will ask why. We will worry, want to know why and try to get in touch with you. That doesn't make us "needy", that makes us normal for wanting to know what changed. If you were into a girl and you both talked everyday, spent time together and then it all stopped, trust me you would try to find out why and would be butthurt!
2) Men very much like to say that they don't want women with baggage or drama but what I am learning is that men definitely measure the new woman to the past women. If your last girlfriend wanted to know where you were all of the time, didn't believe you when you told her or broke into your house to deliver gifts does not mean that me texting and wanting to chat with you equals the same person or behavior. For that matter, if you were ever with someone long term and they were not giving you much attention or affection then maybe you have issues with someone that does.
3) This might and hopefully will be the most obvious statement. Listen up men because this is important. If we connect with you emotionally and then connect with you sexually and still want to be with you, we are going to make an effort to be with you. If you gentlemen decide that it just isn't your cup of tea then we would like to know ASAP. Waiting for the phone to ring is something we all gave up long ago and to leave us doing so at this age is ridiculous and down right disrespectful. If you don't have to balls to tell us, then don't wait for us to do or say something that you can use as your excuse to not want anything further to do with us. Even an email or the easy way out text is your choice, it sure beats you pointing the finger after you are the one doing the childish silence game.
4) Women don't measure the strength of a man by the amount of guns they own, how many animals they kill for sport, or even the size of their penis. Or the amount of women you've been with doesn't make you a stud, it makes you a player. Not sexy.
So it is pretty simple. Be honest, if you are done then be done and tell us so we can move on. Also, don't measure up the next girl to the last one. We may all have boobs but we are not the same. Most importantly, if we text you or want to (God forbid) talk to you, it doesn't make us needy or crazy. It means we like you. I know that one is tough to swallow but grab a drink and suck it down.
On a personal note, if you don't like what I have to say, don't read it.