A date in the life...

A date in the life...

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Mr. Right Guy or Mr. Nice Guy?

You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there have the facts of life.  Instead of taking the good and the bad, what do you do when you take the good, the nice and you add in some handsome?  Honestly, I have no idea!  Where is Mrs. Garrett when I need her?  Any dilemma I have, she could solve in 30 minutes and still have time to bake me cookies.  Oh, if it were only that simple?   This happens to be the one thing boggling my little blond mind these says   So in the spirit of sharing my feelings (also known as my form of therapy), I thought that I would be able to sort it all out in written word.  I should preface this blog entry by saying that it is really more geared towards the female audience just as the wonderful 80's television show "The Facts of Life" was.   Although, I am a firm believer that whatever is good for the goose is always good for the gander. 

Due to a recent date that I went on, I have been in a quandary about nice guys and why they finish last?  I am beginning to believe that nice guys are so rare that when we meet one, we are scared and run in the other direction.  The idea is so hard to grasp that we don't know how to react once faced with such a mythical creature.  We've read about them in books, heard stories from our Grandmothers and have even seen them in movies (Forrest Gump) but in our world, they are right up there with the loch ness monster. I myself had heard of them and actually have met a few in the last 36 years but due to my lack of experience, I tend to find the nearest emergency exit and leave the scene of the nice guy crime. 

So, I had met Todd through a friend of a friend and we went on a blind date.  We each had been given the other's number and had sent texts and photos (only clean ones) prior to our meet and greet.  This went on for about 5 days and then he asked me out for a few casual drinks and a bite to eat. Once that day arrived, my mother had gotten very sick and I had to take her to the hospital.  I sent him a text to postpone our "meeting" because I wasn't sure what was wrong and how long I would be there with her.  He seemed very understanding and a few hours later, he offered to pick up the food of my choice and bring it down there to the hospital.  He thought I was probably hungry and hospital food is a far cry from 5 star cuisine so he wanted to get me something that I would enjoy.  I respectively declined his offer and told him that as much as I appreciated it, I just didn't want our first date to be in that particular situation.  Let's be honest, I looked worse than a DUI mugshot and didn't want that image ingrained in his memory.  He let me know that the offer still stood if I changed my mind and if I needed anything, to just let him know.  Here he was, a guy who had never met me, knew very little about me but yet wanted to make sure I had something decent to eat during my mama drama.

Days later, once my mother was on the mend, I felt that I could brave the first date with Todd.  We met on a Monday night at a local pub/restaurant.  I arrived a little early and found a table that faced the front door.  Roughly ten minutes later, he walked in.  We saw each other and as soon as he got close to my table, he turned and kept walking past me.  It's okay, breathe!  He was only being funny.  He came back and asked if he could sit in the chair to my right instead of across from me.  I wasn't totally thrilled with his suggestion but I went with it.  I had to rationalize his choice of seats by telling myself that he just wanted to be close to me.  It is a quirky thing with me that I don't like first dates to sit to my side and I am just more comfortable with being across from one another.  As he settled into his seat, I did a full body scan of him.  I may not be Van Gogh, but let me paint you a picture.  He is 6'4" tall, shaved head, nice eyes, full lips, large muscular arms, 40 years old, several tattoos up and down his large arms, dark goatee and if I forgot to mention, large arms.  He was very pleasing to look at and had already scored points by his thoughtful food offer prior to our actual date.  He put his hand out to shake mine and then formally introduced himself.  I shook his hand and then we placed our drink orders with our waitress.  The conversation opened with his apology for being a few minutes late which I didn't mind at all.  First of all, he actually showed up.  Secondly, he hadn't walked out on me.  Finally, he did not offer me ice cream then explain how he only dated fatties because we are eternally grateful to the almighty hot guy for loving "us".  This guy was scoring points left and right and didn't even break a sweat in doing so. 

After the typical small talk exchange, he went on to tell me about his life.  Let's keep in mind that I never once had to ask a personal question or walked on eggshells while asking about his past baggage.  I didn't have to ask anything, he just offered it up freely.  He told me that he didn't want to waste any ones time and just layed it out there for me.  What did this mean?  Was he a wanted felon for identity theft, deadbeat dad who skipped out on child support or a paid male escort who works weekends on Fremont Street?  Nope, wrong and none of the above.  He grew up in California from mixed race parents and he not only graduated from college but also served in the military.  He shared his stories of living overseas, under the sea as well as life on dry land.  I learned all about him and what made him tick.  Amongst all of the Todd education I was getting, we managed to order food and a few refills of our drinks.  I think he had more to drink than I did because his mouth was very dry from all of the talking.  So, I ate my dinner and listened on as he spoke of his teenage son, divorce and his dating experiences since his break up.  He didn't even finish his meal because it had gone cold while he was talking.  My food was really scrumptious and I was able to finish it because I didn't have to do any of the conversing.  This date was fantastic because not only did I not have to think up a list of topics and questions to keep it interesting, but he spoke openly and I just had listen and eat.  To top it off, I never found myself bored enough to begin the great state countdown.  Oh and get this...wait for it....wait for it.... he had a sense of humor too!   If you are keeping track, he was polite, good looking, straight forward, open and funny!  Someone smack my ass and wake me up because surely this was all a dream or a really bad acid trip.

Once the 3 hour tour came to a close, wait, I mean 3 hour date, he paid the bill (more points scored) and we walked out together.  He escorted me to my car and locked us in for a second date.  He told me that he was sorry for monopolizing the evening and wanted to take me out again so I could have my turn at show and tell.  Of course I told him "YES" and then he held out his arms to give me a hug.  I went in for the hug and he gave my right cheek a very sensual kiss and I melted.  This was no ordinary peck, no no, this was a full mouth kiss without the tongue.  I promise you that if I had a penis, it would have been pointing due north.  Once he finished and started to pull back, I pulled him back in and went for the full monty.  This guy had no choice but to get it.  That's right, I violated his mouth and I make no apologies for doing it.  Kissing his mouth was even hotter than what he did to my cheek!  He quickly pulled away because I believe he was also experiencing the North Pole effect.  That evening once I got home and settled into my bed, I received a text from Todd thanking me for a wonderful time and that he could not wait to see me again.  Nice guy alert!!  Ding, ding, ding...points flying everywhere!

We have a plan for a second date complete with dinner, live music and definitely more kissing but I spend my time wondering if I can handle such a nice guy (go grab Freud, it's time for therapy).  Here we have Todd who is nice and funny, good looking with manners and on top of it all, wants to see me again!  I keep finding myself stuck in the question of whether or not I can be with such a nice person.  Where is my typical jerky guy who treats me like crap and I still stay with until he leaves me behind in his heart breaking wake?  Better yet, I tell myself that I don't deserve such a man because I've made so many bad decisions in my life that my only karma is to get the heartless assholes.  I go to the great lengths to replay this date over in my head and try to pick out the bits of him that are bad and prove that he isn't one of the good ones.  Just as in love, I am unsuccessful in this mission.  I have to face facts that so far he is not a bad catch and it is possible that I may have cashed in my lucky penny and deserve a little piece of happiness.  I am not counting on this to end happily ever after but I do remain hopeful.   Then again, there is always the option that he is a complete lunatic that wants nothing more than to bury me in the desert.

I could just be jaded from my past relationships or very skeptical of people because of my profession, but I do know that at the end of the day I do deserve a small chunk of joy.  So I will continue my mission (impossible) and see what happens.  Although, I still think if I had that hot little red headed number Mrs. Garrett or roller skating Tootie to help me solve the nice guy puzzle, this would all be a lot easier.

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