Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Manners Are Free...Drinks Are Not!
Let's dive in shall we? I am rewinding a bit to the time that I found myself suddenly single after being in a long term engagement with a man (if you can call him that) and back in the dating world. My friends offered to set me up with blind dates as well as suggested joining an internet dating site. After much thought, I decided to go on a dating website. I arrived at that conclusion after the realization that I had no idea what or who I was attracted to anymore. All I knew was that I had zero interest in a man who was a spineless, cheating, moron whose idea of a hot date was taking me to Barnes and Noble. Other than that, I had no idea what lit my fire. I joined Cupid.com and the search began. I created my profile and put up as much information about me as I thought was important to prospective suitors. Then I hit the "search" button and started looking for men. This was fantastic! I love shopping and now I can do it for my perfect mate from the comfort of my own home. Page by page I found men from all walks of life. Tall, short, big, small, bald, grey, tattoos, kids, divorce...you name it! It was a buffet of testosterone and I was hungry. I have to admit that all of this stud shopping was exhausting and once I realized that they all started looking the same, it was time to take a break and let them come to me.
The next day I felt like a child on Christmas morning awaiting my gifts. What did Santa Cupid bring me? I dove in and found quite a few emails from men wanting to get to know me. There was one in particular that stood out from the crowd. His name was Kyle, single dad, construction worker, dog lover with nipple piercings. PERFECT! This was a far cry from the ex loser (except he was also a single dad) and the nipple rings were an exciting bonus. I nervously replied trying to be as witty and cute as I possibly could in written word. After a few emails and two phone calls, we agreed to meet for dinner.
The day of my first internet dinner date I had gotten my roots done, nails polished and bought a new outfit. We agreed to meet at a barbecue restaurant half way between where we live. Not to mention it was well lit and always busy which equaled a safe first date with a stranger. As I approached the entrance, Kyle was just getting off of his motorcycle and said my name. I turned and saw exactly what I had seen in photos. He gave me a huge hug and opened the door for me. So far so good. He told the hostess that he wanted a table in the bar and we were seated. He ordered two drinks from the waitress and chose the drinks himself. I had no input in the drink decision which annoyed me but I went with the flow. After all, I was still new to this form or dating. Maybe the rules had changed while I was away in unhappyland? Once the drinks arrived, he started the small talk about his son, the weather, sports and his motorcycle. This went on as he swallowed his drink. No sooner did he slurp loudly in an effort to indicate the glass was empty, he stood up and excused himself to the restroom.
15 minutes had passed and I was beginning to think that this poor guy either had a case of diarrhea or was reenacting the scene from "A League of their Own" where Tom Hanks peed for 10 minutes in the girls locker room. By now the waitress approached me to see if I needed anything. I told her that I was fine but I was worried about my date who went to the bathroom awhile ago. She looked a bit stunned and said "Oh that guy left already". WHAT??!! The look on my face must have given off quite a state off horror because the waitress quickly then said "maybe he went outside to use his phone". At that point, I knew the game was over and I surrendered. The waitress must have felt bad for me because in the most sympathetic tone told me to go see if he is outside and if he wasn't, the drinks were on her. I thanked her and put a $20 on the table and left.
Kyle may have had nipple rings but clearly was lacking in the testicle department. This boy did not have the balls to say that I wasn't his type or even to play the "I got an emergency call and have to go" card. Granted, I know those calls are bullshit but it would have been far better than leaving me to believe you had a case of the trots in the bathroom.
Like most of my friends response, I am sure you are thinking that I should have called, text, emailed or put out a hit on him but I did not. I let it go because I knew that there was no point. He couldn't be honest so why would he be if I called? Don't you worry because low and behold months later, he wandered into the urgent care that I worked at. Yes, you heard me! He did not recognize me in my scrubs, glasses, hair up and less makeup but I knew exactly who he was. I was professional at first and when it was time to discharge him I managed to pull off quite the performance. I was rattling off medication instructions and then looked surprised and said "wait a minute I remember you". Smiling away, he responded with "oh, do our kids go to school together"? Still smiling and sweet I said "No, you and I had a date and you left me in the bar and took off". His smile quickly shot south and he could no longer look at me. Quietly under his breath he said "oh yeah" and hopped off of the exam table. I handed him his paperwork and prescriptions and was sure to say "if you don't get better, be sure to come back". That was all I needed. It wasn't worth losing my job over and I did feel a bit better however, I was still out $20 and a large sum of self esteem.
Look Kyle, manners are free and drinks are not. So next time you plan on splitting and leaving a girl at the table with drinks and the tab... make sure you let her order a beverage of her choosing so having to pay for it doesn't taste so bitter!