Thursday, October 6, 2011
The almighty glory hole...
I am rewinding a bit to the time when I first moved to Las Vegas 3 years ago and was online shopping...er um I mean dating. I met a guy on the internet who appeared to be normal and yes I am using that term very loosely. His name was Jarod, 39 years old, single father of a 10 year old son and had his own business. So far so good right? After several exchanges, we decided to meet for lunch while I was at work. Ladies, this is a genius idea! Typically you only have an hour for lunch and so if the date goes sour, you don't need an excuse to get out of the date because you already have one built in. "I'm sorry, I have to get back to work. My boss is a bitch and I can't be a minute late". On the other hand, if the lunch date goes really well then he at least has an idea where you work so he can send you flowers.
We met at a deli next door one day and he was not quite as cute as his photos showed. I am thinking that he posted pics that were taken around the age of 21 not 39. Being the non superficial and non judgemental angel that I am, I dismissed the lies in his appearance. We exchanged chit chat over sandwiches and I wasn't excited but wasn't entirely bored either. The big indicator of my boredom is when I find myself trying to name the 50 states in my head. On this date I only made it to California, Nevada and Utah before I was pulled back into the conversation. This was a good sign. The hour was up quickly and I hugged him goodbye then got back to work. He had text me that he found me to be pretty, funny and couldn't wait to see me again. My toes didn't curl over him but I would give him a shot.
We started seeing each other in October and this lasted until Christmas time. During this time I always felt like there was something just a bit "off" about him but couldn't figure it out. He would cook amazing meals for me, send flowers often, have little gifts on my doorstep when I got home from work and my mom even liked him. The only guy that my mom has ever approved of was the one ended up coming out of the closet. For the record, he and I are still the best of friends to this day. Okay back to Jarod. We got along really well as friends and always had fun together. There was occasional kissing and minor fooling around but overall I just wasn't feeling that spark. We never had sex together and he would act like he wanted to but I couldn't even fake my into it.
Fast forward to Christmas time and we had gone up to Lake Tahoe to my sister in law's house. I had purchased a new couch for her and we drove it up. We were there a few days and while in bed together one evening and after consuming several cocktails I had enough "spark" in me to try a little fun under the flannel sheets. Things got heated and he started saying "No, no, no...don't do that, I don't want to get excited". Are you joking Jarod???? I just got all hopped up on spiked egg nog and now you don't want it? So I rolled over and went to sleep. After we got back to Vegas, I ended it. There was nothing physically there and he was a friend but this wasn't going to go anywhere. I gave him the breakup speech "we can be friends...it's me not you...thank you for everything". I walked away from it still scratching my hair extensions wondering what was it about him?
A year had passed and he started texting me out of the blue wanting to know how I was, my dog, my family etc... We exchanged friendly texts and then I got the message. "You were always so easy to talk to and I can trust with you anything so I have to share something with you". I could suddenly hear the theme song to Jaws playing in my head. I knew this was not going to be good. I stupidly replied with "sure, what's going on"? I did not get any explanation or warning just two photos in one message. Are you ready for this, are you sitting down? I would have a trash can ready because this is about to get disgusting. Brace yourself and just know that you were warned. The first photo was of him giving oral sex to a penis through a glory hole. The next photo was the final product which included Jarod and a mouth full of umm well, let's call it glory juice. He took the pictures of himself pleasuring a strange man's penis at some random glory hole room in an adult store! Let's take a pause to vomit...
What do I say after all of this? I text the only thing I could say which was "What the hell??" His response was asking me if it was too much or did I want to see more? REALLY?!?!?! Umm yeah I'm good, that was plenty, thanks! It took me some time to be able to reply but when I did I had to ask if he was gay and that's how he chose to tell me? Guess what! He claims that no he was not a homosexual but it turned him on to give head to strange men and just something he enjoyed, period. He had kept it a secret and needed to get it off his chest and out of his mouth apparently. So I thanked him for trusting me (cough cough) and told him to be safe.
I'm sure you are thinking that this is about as real as silicone breasts but I assure you, this is the honest truth (except for his name). The moral of this sick sad story is that if you feel like there is something not right or just a bit off, go with your instincts and maybe check his bathroom wall for unnecessary holes.