Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Some call it Mars and Venus but I prefer to call it the heart vs. the penis.
This topic has been around for ages and never seems to have a different conclusion. We've all heard it before "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus". Men bring home the bacon and the women cook it, wash the dishes, put the kids to bed, clean the house and top off the evening with a blow job for their man. As much as we would all like the believe that men and women are equal and that we are evolving in our roles, I don't think much has changed.
Even though I have not been married, not putting kids to bed or cooking anybody's bacon I do experience the challenges and large differences between the sexes. You don't need to live with the opposite sex to know how different we are. All you have to do it go on one date or merely exchange a text message and poof, instant antithesis.
Recently I had learned a hard lesson on this particular topic. I believe what had happened was I scared away yet another man in my quest to find love. I had reconnected with an old friend from school through social networking and we had exchanged flirtatious emails, texts and eventually phone calls. We had so much to catch up on (over 20 years worth) and there was never an awkward silence. It was great! As the days went on, I would find myself smiling more and eagerly looking at my phone in hopes to find a witty text from him. I told him that he had put a new smile on my face that hadn't been there in awhile in which he replied with "you make me smile too". As time as well as many inappropriate conversations passed, we agreed on spending time together. He lives in California and I of course live in Vegas. So I took one for the team and we agreed that I would fly out there for a long weekend.
As the trip approached, our conversations got to be more involved and deeper than flirtation. We covered all sorts of topics including distance, divorce, disease and the most important topic...weight! Oddly enough, he was the first one to bring this up as a concern. He had shared that whenever I call him handsome, or good looking he laughs to himself and thinks "just wait until she sees me". I had seen his photos and vice versa and I was attracted to what I had seen. Granted, it had been many years and things change but I still liked what I had seen. Yes, he had put on a bit of weight but I am the last one to care about that or judge someone for it. I have always been overweight and what sort of asshole would I be to not want to be with someone for their own excess. I explained that I didn't care, that I was very attracted to him in so many ways and if anyone has that concern, it is me! After all, I have been dealing with the weight issue my entire life so of course I understand it. In some strange way it was almost comforting to know that I wasn't the only going into this possible relationship worried about how I look (for a change).
The day arrived for my trip up there and after only a 45 minutes of sleep, I fixed my hair, did my makeup, shaved everything and put on a cleavage flattering dress. I grabbed my bag and got on the plane. Not only was our plane late but once everyone was seated, we pulled away from the gate and sat on the runway. Then it happened... we had all heard the words that you don't want to hear on a flight. "Sorry folks, we are experiencing a technical problem and have to wait for the maintenance team to board the aircraft". WHAT!??!!? Shouldn't that be followed by "We are going to board a different plane" or at the very least "Our crew will be coming by and passing out Valium with a shot of tequila". To make matters worse, the problem is large enough that an entire team was called, not just one handy man! After an hour of silent prayer, no cabin air flow and my large hair flattening out, the pilot came on to say "Good news, the light bulb has been changed and we'll be on our way shortly". Okay wait a minute, I'm sorry...WHAT?! A light bulb, are you freakin' kidding me??? I just wrote my will on a napkin and it was merely a burnt out bulb. Was this all a well lit neon sign that I shouldn't go?
I finally arrived and made one stop to the bathroom to assess and try to salvage what was left of my appearance. My stomach was in knots and I was very nervous. I finally forced myself out the doors and met him at his car. He greeted me with a friendly pat on the back bullshit guy hug which made me even more nervous. We had a long drive back to his house and so in my normal nervous behavior I proceeded to talk my head off. Bla bla bla, giggle giggle giggle. When I'm nervous I either vomit or can't shut up. I chose the latter in this case. Nothing says sexy more than a girl throwing up in your lap, right? Needless to say, once we were settled in his house and cocktails were poured, I loosened up. We sat and talked about everything. Everything felt so comfortable and easy. Eventually, things got heated up between us and we spent a lot of time on the couch like two teenagers afraid of getting caught by their parents. There was quite a bit of making out and certain deeds below the equator. It was very sexy and we were very compatible in this department.
We ended up spending our long weekend together like two people that were in a new relationship. We were very at ease in each other's presence and had enjoyed a lot of physical benefits as well. Anyone watching from the outside (let's hope they weren't) would have thought that we were very happy together. The day came where I had to leave and we said goodbye. Now I know you are wondering, when am I going back right? Join the club! I have not been invited back and in fact, he is happily fishing for women on an online dating site. The text messages occurred here and there but they were texts I would have sent to a neighbor. "How's your day" and "What's new"?
My honest conclusion of this particular situation is that I got into that situation with my heart wide open and he got into it with his legs wide open. I believe that in all of our conversations that the one subject that we didn't address was what we wanted out of it. In my past experience I learned that approaching this topic was the quickest way to get a man to run in the other direction so it never occurred to me to bring it up with him. Maybe this was the time I was to break the rule? Well, you know what they say... hindsight is a clear seeing bitch or was it 20/20? Either way, these revelations make you want to get drunk, build a time machine and go back and fix what went wrong.
So I am bagging up that experience and putting it in the closet. I can only hope that the next one will want the sex and the relationship but I won't hold my breath.