A date in the life...

A date in the life...

Friday, November 11, 2011

Do Nice Girls Finish Last?

As far as my lack of love life is concerned, I am an open book (literally).  If the man is a pervert, criminal, drug addict or as old as Hugh Hefner, I write about it.  If the Kardashian Klan can put their lives out there for the world to see and judge, why shouldn't I?  In fact, Kim's recent failed marriage lasted 72 days and my most recent relationship lasted 30.  I should consider changing my name to Kristy instead of Christy.

Over the last month, I had been dating the tall Mr. Nice Guy with tattooed and very muscular arms.  After he had swept me off of my feet with the gesture he made while I was at the hospital with my mom and the most seductive cheek kiss on our first date, I was diggin' him.  I talked myself into the idea that I needed to give the nice guy a chance no matter how good to be true he seemed.  We ended up going out quite often and he would initiate text messages and/or phone calls throughout the day everyday.  Each time we went out to a restaurant or pub, we had great conversations.  He was never shy about his feelings toward me which included how much he liked me or some sort of adventure he hoped to take me on with him in the future.  Mr. Nice Guy was quickly turning into Mr. Too Good To Be True!  He was nice, good looking no wait, HOT, wasn't shy about his feelings and was making future plans for us.  Where is that ball and when is it going to drop?  No wait, I forgot about the chivalry.  This same man would also open doors for me, always insist on paying for the date, pull my chair out for me at the table and would even call me at the end of the date to make sure I made it home safely.  Okay, if you need a break to poor cold water on your face because you are in shock, go ahead.  I'll wait because I know how hard this is to believe!  

Let's back the love truck up and remember how me and hunky boy met.  We met each other online on a popular dating site.  During our first few dates, he had said that he was still "searching" and still dating other women.  He also said that he is traditional and likes to court the woman he is dating and believes in asking the woman to be his girlfriend.  He didn't want or like it to be assumed.  He also said that he was looking for a reason to delete his online dating profile.  All of these bits of information were well received by me because I prefer to know how a guy rolls when dating.  As far as I am concerned, I am not a fan of dating multiple men at the same time because quite frankly, it gets confusing.  This guy drives a motorcycle and this other guy has kids and that guy only likes large dogs.  It's too much just to remember all of the idiosyncrasies of just one man let alone several men.  While I am searching, I do tend to communicate with several different men at once because more than likely, most of them will get weeded out in the first few emails or text messages.  All it takes is for the genius to mention the word "threesome" or to ask "how many dates it takes before I have sex", then I cut off all communication.  However, if I meet the guy, we hit it off and begin dating, I stop searching or corresponding with other potential suitors so I can give the current guy a chance. Despite popular opinion, I don't just date for sex or blog material.  I am genuinely looking for a life partner.  I want a "plus one" for the myriad of weddings I attend so I don't keep getting the pity looks from the other guests.  I also want that kiss at midnight on New Years.  Kate Winslet said it best in the film "The Holiday", that you should be the leading lady of your own life, not just the best friend.  I have always been the best friend.  I am the third wheel at every gathering.  I am always surrounded by couples and I manage to keep a pasted smile on my face as though it doesn't bother me to be there alone.  Truth be told, it does bother me.  I am no longer in my early twenties with a group of girlfriends who are single and on the prowl.  At any given occasion, I would have at least three other friends with me who weren't in a relationship.  Now I am in my  mid thirties, cough cough, and there is no longer that guarantee of other singles to accompany me.  So now I take dating very seriously and I am in it to win it.

Here lies the beginning of the end so grab the bottle of Merlot.  

As the weeks went on, we grew more fond of one another.  The conversations went deeper, this kissing was more passionate and the attraction grew stronger.  Damn!  This is starting to sound like a romance novel.  Where's Fabio?
It got to the point where we tried to find more ways to spend time together throughout the week while balancing schedules. This seemed very promising.  Right before he left for a work trip, we sat down and planned a 3 day weekend cruise to Mexico.  He liked to travel and proposed the idea of an adventure at the end of November during Thanksgiving.  We planned out the trip online and he said that he would double check his work schedule for time off.  He told me that when he returned from his 4 day work trip out of town, he would confirm our mini vacation.  The day he left for his trip, he sent me funny pictures of him at the airport and text later that evening to say that he had arrived safe.  I didn't initiate conversation while he was away because I was respectful of what he was there to do.  He would text me here and there to talk about the seminars and to say that he couldn't wait to see me when he returned back to Vegas.
Go ahead and pour another glass...
We went out to dinner the night after he got home.  I was greeted with a huge kiss and a tight hug and he went on about he realized how much he missed me while he was away.  During dinner, he said that he likes me so much that he could see himself falling in love with me.  The clouds parted, the angels started singing...
Wow, I was one lucky girl!  This was what I wanted and I thought that maybe the days of dating disasters were finally over.  I found a man who was not only the total physical package, but open with his feelings and cared about me!  Well, he didn't formally ask me to be his girlfriend nor did he delete his online dating profile but surely that would be next right?  Wrong!  Beginning the next day, the texts and phone calls almost stopped all together.  He cancelled our date for the following night because he was tired from traveling.  After a few days of this, I text and asked if things had changed for him.  He responded with "No, I am working a lot and don't have time for personal calls and texts.  I really like you and have moved you up to Plan A".  Excuse me, I'm sorry...what?
He went on to say that yes he is still looking but out of all the women in his life, I was at the top of the priority list.

This guy had far bigger balls than I thought!  Let's recap shall we?

1) He liked me so much that he saw himself falling in love with me.
2) He missed me while he was away.
3) He was planning a cruise to Mexico, just the two of us.
4) He was still searching for women online.
5) I was now Plan A on his priority list.
6) He was too busy with work to be on his phone but yet was online on the dating site all day long.

Instead of just throwing out my first reaction, I chose to sleep on it and sort out my thoughts.  If I had responded to him right then I would have said something to the effect of him being a sorry piece of shit who does not deserve to find love.  So I thought it out and I decided the next day to let him know how I felt and what I wanted.  I said that I was a catch and deserved to be with someone who didn't keep me on the back burner while he looked for someone better.  I also told him that I was not a back up plan and that after 4-5 weeks, he should be backing up his words with his actions which he was not.  He responded by saying he was sorry I felt that way and that he didn't want drama nor want to hurt my feelings.  That sort of rubbed me wrong and I went on to say that if he was lucky enough to find a woman who didn't mind this behavior, then she was an idiot who didn't love herself.  He apologized one more time and that was it.  That's how it ended.  I used to be the doormat girl who would just sit and wait for him to decide if I was the one or not.  I would also sweep all of my discord under the rug and not mind being faithful to a man who was still dating other women.  I can't pin point the exact moment that I put my big girl panties on and decided that I deserved better than that and I would no longer put up with it but I did.  It has happened and if I am going to be serious in my quest to find my mate then I will no longer stand for disrespect.  I deserve better!

So here I am, back online shopping for Mr. Right.  There are a few prospects I'm talking to that have not yet asked me sexual questions or the size of my breasts.  They seem like decent men and I do have a date with one of them tomorrow night.  One man did offer me a large sum of  money to spend the weekend with him to make his ex jealous.  Needless to say, I did not take him up on his oh so flattering offer.
I will be sure to let the world know how my new dating adventures are going.  Wish me luck!  I will also be in touch with Kris Jenner, the ultimate Mom-a-ger, while changing my name to Kristy Kardashian.

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