A date in the life...

A date in the life...

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Love on a hanger

Before you ask, yes, my glass is full of red liquid goodness.  Question is, why isn't yours?

Before I continue sharing about my big journey that I am on of weight loss and discovery, I feel the need to share a dating story.  This particular situation occurred literally the month before I started my quest to get fit.  The reason I point that out is purely because most days before I started to change my life, I clearly felt that it was more important to love someone else rather than myself.  In fact, you can probably see that pattern in most of these disaster stories.  If I had loved myself, I wouldn't have put up with such bullshit for as long as I have.  Not to worry, just because I am shedding the pounds doesn't mean I won't be dating or sharing stories.  I have so many left in my arsenal that I have yet to put out there.  Believe me, I look forward to writing about the guy who had to have the show "South Park" on while we had sex or the guy who left me alone in the dark on a mountain one night because I wouldn't give him head.  Don't judge me, it was only the first date and we went dutch on dinner.    However, tonight's little treat is about a man who needs to be evicted from the closet he is clearly residing in.

I expect that you are now sharing an adult beverage with me.  I am on round two so catch up!

So, this an unconfirmed case of closet homosexually but I hope that you share your conclusion after you finish reading.  I have carefully selected a faux name for this guy because we don't need to add lawsuit on top of the humiliation he already caused me.  So everyone please welcome to the page, "Nick".  If you are familiar with me at all or let's be honest, have met me, you will know that I have been internet dating over the last few years.  I don't attend church (anymore), I never meet my soul mates in line at Starbucks (nor do I go there) or pick up dudes while also picking up cucumbers in the produce department.  So yes, I am an online dater.  If I can shop for discount designer shoes on the internet, why not men?  So I stumbled across this 6'6" hunky piece of meat on the site and after reading his profile, I was intrigued.   Let me break it down for you.  Nick was 40 years old and divorced.  He has two kids that he has every other weekend.  He has light brown hair and at that time, full facial hair.  He is a computer tech guy for a big company here in Las Vegas.  I never understood what he did, I just know that he had 3 side by side computer screens on his desk in his office and talked about internal errors, megabytes and other crap that just doesn't interest me. All I care about it is that my computer turns on/off and let's me surf porn while buying things I don't need.  He was also into martial arts and in fact, he was a black belt and taught classes a few nights a week.  Here's the thing, once I read the part about the karate, I was sort of hooked.  This sick attraction stems way back to my childhood and the huge crush I had on Ralph Macchio.  Wax on... wax off!  Towards the end of his profile, he said that he was looking for a long term relationship and not into games.  In fairness, who actually says in their bio that they love playing games and full of drama?  So I contacted  Nick and told him that if he wanted to get to know me then write back.  Boom!  Within a few minutes, I had a response.

I may sound a bit feisty but I started drinking much earlier tonight while at a jewelry store event I was invited to.  I figured, why stop there?  So I kept the wine party going when I got home.  Cheers!

Nick responded with a simple message.  He wrote "Nice to meet you Christy.  I am Nick and would love to talk on the phone.  Here is my number...".  Normally that would've irritated me right off the bat because anyone who says that it is nice to meet me without actually meeting me, is a bit of an idiot.  I didn't play the game of waiting for awhile to call because I am not getting any younger and I didn't put in my profile that I play games.  I called and he answered after the first ring.  I introduced myself and he seemed very surprised that I called so soon.  I must say that the lad had quite the deep and very sexy voice.  That is such a turn on because I immediately imagine the sexy things he could say to me in bed.  We agreed to meet the very next night after a really long talk on the phone.  He seemed straight forward (like me) and very down to earth.  No muss no fuss.  The next night we met at a bar.  We sat out on the patio where it was more quiet complete with a fireplace.  After four hours of conversation and witty banter, we walked out to say goodnight.  In the PG version, I got in my car in left.  In reality, I kissed him for a long time in his car while 80's music played on the stereo.  As I drove home that night, I thought about everything I learned about him and decided that I may just like him.  The next day, he had text me several times including once to ask if I would go out to dinner with him for sushi with him that evening.  I agreed and that night, we went out to dinner.  It was one of those great dinner dates where he ordered all different types of sushi and after so many bites, he would lean over and kiss me.  I was really digging this guy.  He took control and ordered my dinner and showed me public affection.  Let's not forget the sexy voice.  Of course we acted like teenagers and made out in the car after we finished.  We continued to go out on several dinner dates, went shopping for a new TV together for his new house, had a picnic, went to the movies and just had fun together.  Things were going swimmingly.  

So what could go wrong?  Pour yourself a glass and I will tell you.

After all of the time we had been spending together, he asked me to come over to his house for dinner and a movie on a Friday night.  He suggested that I bring my toothbrush and stay the night.  Yep, you guessed it!  It was time to take our make out sessions one step further and have sex.  Naturally I paid a visit to my favorite waxer that afternoon and then proceeded with a long shower.  I packed a few items into my bag and arrived promptly at his house.  He had been cooking and had the table set complete with candles and red wine (good boy).  After dinner, we watched movie that was supposed to be a comedy about a guy with cancer but of course, there is nothing funny about cancer.  He turned out the lights, took me by the hand and led me upstairs.  Here we go!  We got right down to business.  I was so turned on and excited and before you know it, we were having sex.  Let me be more specific, as soon as he got hard, he then got soft.  That's right, the actual penetration lasted less than a minute.  He couldn't keep it hard.  He laid down next to me, apologized then turned over and wouldn't say a word.  Eventually he fell asleep but I just couldn't.  I was mortified.  Why did he go limp?  Was it me?  Was he not a fan of the brazilian wax job?  I was stumped.  The next morning, I got my things and told him I had to get home for a hair appointment.  I know, I know, there is no such thing as getting your roots done at 6am but he didn't need to know that. We had an awkward goodbye and I drove home still wondering what went wrong.  A few hours later, he text me saying he was spending the weekend with gay buddy from work who just went through a breakup and would call me Monday.  Seriously?!?  48 hours ago you couldn't get enough of me and now you'll talk to me Monday?  Monday rolled around and as promised, Nick called and after small talk, he apologized for the failed attempt at sex.  He explained that he must've just been nervous and would like a chance to make it right.  We agreed to meet up on Thursday and go out to dinner then have dessert at his place.  As planned, we had a nice meal together then went straight to his house.  We had both communicated just how eager we were to try again so we wasted no time once we got to his home.  Clothes were thrown all over the room and there we were back to bed.  To my surprise, this time he didn't last a minute.  Nope, he lasted 30 seconds before going soft.  UGH!  Once again, he rolled over and said that he was sorry.  I got dressed and said I was going home.  

How does such a fairy tale end?  

Nick did not call or text for several days after that night.  I was okay with that because I was really embarrassed and confused.  Finally he text and said that he didn't know what the problem was and he was so sorry about it.  We exchanged a lot of communication that week and stupidly, I agreed to see him on Friday night.  I went to his house for dinner and afterwards we sat on the couch watching "Will and Grace".  Before the episode could end, he suggested we go upstairs.  Reluctantly I went up and once we got to his bed, said that he was going to try something different.  He then turned out all the lights (not different Nick), and told me to get on all fours.  No sooner did I do as he said, we were having full blown sex.  30 seconds went by then a minute (already a record best) then many minutes and before you know it, he stayed hard and managed to complete the transaction.  Once finished, he dropped down to the bed and caught his breath.  After his breathing normalized, he told me that doing it from behind was going to be the only way he could have sex with me and that the room had to be dark.  Oh, one important bit I left out was that he told me to be quiet and try not to make any noise while we were doing it.   Let's deconstruct this situation.  He couldn't keep it up while missionary.  He liked the room dark. The sex had to be from behind.  I wasn't allowed to make noise and he was ready to go after watching a TV show about gay guys and straight girls.  Sadly, this isn't my first rodeo with a homosexual guy so with that in mind, I got dressed and got the hell out of his house.  No goodbye and no bullshit excuse, just left.  The very next day I got a text message that said "Christy, you are a really nice girl and we have so much fun but I feel that you are too clingy and that's not for me.  Good luck and take care".  I'm sorry, I am too clingy?  Not only is Nick gay but he is also an asshole!  Oh the irony.  After I was able to pick my jaw up off of the floor, I replied to his text in the best way I saw fit.  "Oh Nick, the only thing I was clinging to was the idea that you were straight."  I never heard from him again.  

My bottle is empty which means I need to end this sad story...

As the pounds continue to come off of my body, I am discovering that the Christy that has been buried under all that weight will no longer kid herself into thinking that giving men like Nick that many chances is acceptable.  After that first night of failed sex, I should've talked to him about it.  I should've figured out by simple conversation whether or not to give him one more chance.  I didn't need to keep belittling myself in his bedroom.  I really believed somehow that his lack of wood was directly related to the size of my body.  Wrong!  It wasn't me at all but yet I believed it was.  So my friends, no matter how much you weigh, if a man is gay, it doesn't matter how you look.  Until you produce a penis, there isn't a chance in hell.   Just ask Nick.

Goodnight and sweet dreams


  1. Sorry to hear about such a crap experience this round. Also I must admit that I am torn with how to root for you and your experiences. On one hand, I feel that you have endured enough and deserve "The One". But then, this blog would stop. So while I hope you find true love and live happily ever after, I also hope you just keep dating and not settle down just yet. Either way, I am along for the ride and I will continue rooting for ya one way or another.

    1. I love you my sweet Darren. You support regardless of what it is and I couldn't thank you enough xo

  2. "Oh Nick, the only thing I was clinging to was the idea that you were straight.". you have the best one liners!!!